What? it's almost Burning Man and you can't bear to pull the double-barrel from your mouth because you're not going? Well don't trip! The resourceful team of attention whores here at The BluegrassRave Backroom have channeled their collective depression into this unbelievably fucking handy What Where When Guide For If You're NOT Going To Burning Man. We were shocked to find that bars are open, stores are operating regular hours, and no major transit services will be interrupting their schedules-- even though it's during Burning Man! There are even one or two local cultural or community events scheduled the week of Aug 28 - Sep 4. Help yourself forget that you're not out peeing in the sand at the corner of "Gestalt" and "Cathexes"... come tear it up with the BluegrassRavers at any or all of the Burning Man week events listed below.
Know of some other ones? Email fabulousbaby@lycos.com
They eat books? Whoa. When it comes to Dave Eggers' exploits over at 826 Valencia, sometimes I just don't even want to ask. Some of the biggest names in indie rock, literature, and public radio share the Palace of Fine Arts stage... including Eggers himself, Aimee Mann, Jonathan Richman, Sarah Vowell, and more. The very nutty Patton Oswalt hosts this benefit for 826 writing centers nationwide. Are they all located at address 826 of their respective streets? One has to wonder.
Palace of Fine Arts
3301 Lyon St. (@ Bay)
Two dollars for all well drinks, one dollar for a bottle of Natural Light. They like to call it "Natty Light". I like to call it "Nasty Light". And then I like to have about fifteen of those two-dollar well drinks and forget that there was ever any discussion about beer in the first place.
El Rio
3158 Mission St. (@ Cesar Chavez)
People are really big into penguins these days, right? See real live African penguins gobble down their vittles while you pose inside questions to an on-duty marine biologist.
California Academy of Sciences
Steinhart Aquarium
875 Howard St. (@ 4th)
Skillet Lickers??? I've always been dying to know what they mean by that. I mean, I have my ideas... UPDATE: It refers to a sizable and fully-stocked swing band. Find out why "Everybody's Talkin' Bout Miss Thing" at Enrico's Sidewalk Cafe in North Beach.
Enrico's Sidewalk Cafe
504 Broadway (@ Kearny)
Remember not being at Burning Man last year? Sitting there in complete shock watching people die abandoned on their roof while New Orleans sank -- knowing that you could have gone to a big drug-party-slash-art-festival instead? Hey... how about this year we totally re-live that experience? Mike Shiley's documentary about guerrilla animal rescue teams in post-Katrina New Orleans is somewhat more uplifting than I am making it sound. One night only at The Roxie.
The Roxie Cinema
3117 16th St. (@ Valencia)
Amnesia won the SF Weekly's Best Free Monday Night Bluegrass award in 2005. Can they possibly make it two years in a row? The Barefoot Nellies bring their homegrown sweetness to the Amnesia stage in a free show for Bay Area bluegrass fanciers. Check out their Cafe Press store for the must-have "Don'cha Wish Your Girlfriend Could Pick Like Me" tank top perfect for the lady banjo player(s) in your life!
Amnesia
853 Valencia St. (@ 19th St.)
The film that inept dumbshit running this war doesn't want you to see! Keeping the Iraq War off of YouTube is beyond Don Rumsfeld's pay grade, so when three soldiers bring webcams on their tour of duty in Iraq they capture the modern warfare experience in mind-blowing detail.This is not a dramatization, this is those three guys' real actual war footage. Watch a few clips before you commit to this intensely graphic, emotional, and realistic film.
Red Vic Movie House
1727 Haight St. (@ Cole)
For the first time ever, Matthew Barney's entire, 20-years-in-the-making DRAWING RESTRAINT series is brought together under one roof. Hey, didn't his last movie also supposedly take 20 years to make? Once, I can buy. Twice, maybe. But the next time he comes out with a movie and claims it took him 20 years to make, I'm going to seriously wonder. Drawing Restraint 9 stars Bjork! Better not watch them out of order -- then they might not make sense!
SFMOMA
151 Third St. (@ Mission)
Heklina kicks off Hairrison Street Week by hostessing "Hair Ball 2006", a swinging homage to all things hairy. In between the hair-inspired musical numbers, prizes will be handed out for Best Facial Hair, Best Chest Hair, and Best Wig. Plan to get there early and squeeze way up close for a front-and-center view of whatever fucked-up shit happens onstage.
The Stud
399 Ninth St. (@ Harrison)
The Yerba Buena Center for
the Arts presents Cosmic
Wonder, a celebration of "key young artists who explore trance,
'alternative' realities and the psyche, who tap into altered states of
consciousness through exaggerated color, mind-altering patterns, morphing
forms, and visions of the infinite." So it's, like, a drug show!
Also currently on display in the Yerba Buena gallery is Sampling
Oakland, a representation of Oakland's finest curated by the good
folks from 21 Grand.
Yerba Buena Center for the Arts
701 Mission St. (@ Third)
It's about to be the hottest revival on Broadway, and for whatever reason it's playing here first! They're trying to reinterpret this thing in the context of a reality show. Then why not cast William Hung opposite Clarkson? That I would pay $90 to see.
Curran Theater
445 Geary St. (@ Taylor)
The film that inept dumbshit running this war doesn't want you to see! Keeping the Iraq War off of YouTube is beyond Don Rumsfeld's pay grade, so when three soldiers bring webcams on their tour of duty in Iraq they capture the modern warfare experience in mind-blowing detail.This is not a dramatization, this is those three guys' real actual war footage. Watch a few clips before you commit to this intensely graphic, emotional, and realistic film.
Red Vic Movie House
1727 Haight St. (@ Cole)
People are really big into penguins these days, right? See real live African penguins gobble down their vittles while you pose inside questions to an on-duty marine biologist.
California Academy of Sciences
Steinhart Aquarium
875 Howard St. (@ 4th)
For the first time ever, Matthew Barney's entire, 20-years-in-the-making DRAWING RESTRAINT series is brought together under one roof. Hey, didn't his last movie also supposedly take 20 years to make? Once, I can buy. Twice, maybe. But the next time he comes out with a movie and claims it took him 20 years to make, I'm going to seriously wonder. Drawing Restraint 9 stars Bjork! Better not watch them out of order -- then they might not make sense!
SFMOMA
151 Third St. (@ Mission)
Au Hasard Balthasar, the 1966 masterpiece by Robert Bresson, is.. uhh... christ, it's the life story of a donkey. But lose that smirk, wise ass... it is widely considered one of the greatest films ever made. Catch perhaps the only opportunity you'll ever have to see it in a new print on the big screen. Plays along with Bresson's Mouchette.
The Castro Theatre
429 Castro St. (@ 18th)
While Spesh and company
find themselves behind bars in the Washoe
County Jail, the ladies take over 111
Minna! DJ's ICON,
Ladyhouse,
Queen Agnes B,
and Noetic
(wo)man the decks for this week's installment of the infamous weekly Wednesday
happy hour QOOL. Eqspecially
qool qats will arrive before 6pm, while there's no cover.
111 Minna Gallery
111 Minna St. (@ 2nd St.)
You know, if I was formatting these little images to your left with a height value of more than 65 pixels, you'd be getting seriously moist right now over that picture of techno-rockers Cuir Bleu. Why not take a little detour to their website for a quick game of "Which Bleu Would You Do?" They'll be joined by their insanely eff-able team of go-go dancers, the also-provocative Crooked Family, and shamelessly throwback medieval rockers Avalon Rising for Electrify Your Rock -- "a swanky night of Alternative Rock and Electronica" at Oakland's very-delicious Club Anton. Speaking of very-delicious, there's gonna be Peruvian food! Mention some shit about Tribe.net and get a free copy of Cuir Bleu's new CD Slip Away.
Club Anton
428 3rd St. (@ Broadway)
Downtown Oakland
Just when I decide I that can write funnier "stuff to do instead of Burning Man" blurbs than anybody else in the Bay Area... I find this. Thanks a lot, guys... you're lucky I need your club to get laid. I'm pretty sure they're serious about the chocolate-covered strawberries. George and Shatter round up the usual gang of sex offenders for their bigger-than-Jesus weekly Bondage-A-Go-Go, with Davina Suicide hostessing and Damon and Omar bringing the beats. This week, indulge your love-hate thing with Burning Man as BAGG presents Playa Hater night at The Trocadero.
The
Trocadero
520 4th St. (@ Bryant)
If Don Asmussen doesn't win the Pulitzer Prize for his cartoon on the U.S. Constitution getting arrested, then I'm never buying dynamite again. A new Bad Reporter appears every Wednesday and Friday in the print version of the San Francisco Chronicle and on SFGate.com. Asmussen's 2005 Embedded at Burning Man cartoons still deserve recognition as the finest Burning Man satires ever.
SFGate.com
and Back Page of SF Chronicle Datebook Section
It's Joan Crawford's worst movie, brought to life on the Rhino Theater stage! Strangely, this production is somehow more dignified than most shitty movies that get turned into plays. In a fierce Rhino Theater debut, Heklina absolutely chews up the scenery. Matthew Martin, in the Joan Crawford role, doesn't just chew up the scenery -- he tears down those bitches of bearing walls and puts windows where they ought to be!!!
Theatre Rhinocerous
2926 16th St. (@ South Van Ness)
It's about to be the hottest revival on Broadway, and for whatever reason it's playing here first! They're trying to reinterpret this thing in the context of a reality show. Then why not cast William Hung opposite Clarkson? That I would pay $90 to see.
Curran Theater
445 Geary St. (@ Taylor)
The Yerba Buena Center for
the Arts presents Cosmic
Wonder, a celebration of "key young artists who explore trance,
'alternative' realities and the psyche, who tap into altered states of
consciousness through exaggerated color, mind-altering patterns, morphing
forms, and visions of the infinite." So it's, like, a drug show!
Also currently on display in the Yerba Buena gallery is Sampling
Oakland, a representation of Oakland's finest curated by the good
folks from 21 Grand.
Yerba Buena Center for the Arts
701 Mission St. (@ Third)
The film that inept dumbshit running this war doesn't want you to see! Keeping the Iraq War off of YouTube is beyond Don Rumsfeld's pay grade, so when three soldiers bring webcams on their tour of duty in Iraq they capture the modern warfare experience in mind-blowing detail.This is not a dramatization, this is those three guys' real actual war footage. Watch a few clips before you commit to this intensely graphic, emotional, and realistic film.
Red Vic Movie House
1727 Haight St. (@ Cole)
People are really big into penguins these days, right? See real live African penguins gobble down their vittles while you pose inside questions to an on-duty marine biologist.
California Academy of Sciences
Steinhart Aquarium
875 Howard St. (@ 4th)
No fucking way -- Dengue Fever and The Devil-Ettes?!?! With Marc & The Casuals also on the bill, this show just became my personal OzzFest. Dengue Fever hits the 12 Galaxies stage with their mind-blowing far-east jazz that has to be seen to be believed. The Devil-Ettes have to be seen as well, just because they're so goddamn groovy and foxy. Whatever they're charging to get into this show, it's ain't enough. Also a great opportunity to grab a drink with Frank Chu and talk shit about the Altratronic Rocket Society.
12 Galaxies
2565 Mission St. (@ 22nd St.)
Unless you've been living on a remote
alkaline salt-flat, you know that Versus
Magazine SF is the dopest contemporary chronicle of Yay Area
urban culture. Issue 5, Love
and Hate, will be dropping on your asses August 31 and by any reasonable
measure Space Gallery
will be absolutely off the hook. DJ
High Ku and DJ
Ze' Mateo As Chinese Man will be throwing down the crunkest of magazine
release party beats, and art installations by Ronnie Buders, Emily Hughes,
and Virgin
69's Byron Brown promise to bring the crazy style. Beck's
Beer is kicking in for drink specials, so plan to get your blackout
on.
Space Gallery
1141 Polk St. (@ Sutter)
Once you see the fabulous Paper Dolls play live, you will be determined to take these ukelele-strumming lovelies to Utah and marry all three of them. These girls say "Mahalo!" Throw in the knock-down, drag-out big band sounds of The Brass Mafia, and there's gonna be a Pier 9 brawl down at Amnesia tonight!
Amnesia
853 Valencia St. (@ 19th St.)
This oughta shut up those people who say they can't stand musicals! The classic story of a spunky cheerleader who fellates her way to the top is now a hit musical, with catchy numbers like "I Wanna Do Debbie" and "The Dildo Rag". They say the show is not recommended for anyone under the age of 18 -- but how else do they expect kids to learn? The New York Fringe Festival favorite cums to the Bay Area... and don't forget -- the San Francisco Fringe Festival kicks off Tuesday, Sept. 6!
Eureka Theater
215 Jackson St. (@ Front St.)
Club 1984
has been here doing the 80's since the 80's weren't even the 80's yet.
DJ's Dangerous Dan, Melting Girl, Jules, and Damon get radical gnarly
with their legendary weekly rager at the Cat
Club.
Cat Club
1190 Folsom (@ 8th St)
As a warm-up for their trip to the International Drag King Extravaganza in Austin, TX, the Citizen Kings top an ass-whoopin' line-up of queer burlesque. The Twilight Vixen Revue, Kentucky Fried Woman , and DJ Dr. Sleep are all on hand for settin' the woods on fire. Steers, phillies, and foals alike will be captured, roped and branded at the El Rio back stage.
El Rio
3158 Mission St. (@ Cesar Chavez)
It's Joan Crawford's worst movie, brought to life on the Rhino Theater stage! Strangely, this production is somehow more dignified than most shitty movies that get turned into plays. In a fierce Rhino Theater debut, Heklina absolutely chews up the scenery. Matthew Martin, in the Joan Crawford role, doesn't just chew up the scenery -- he tears down those bitches of bearing walls and puts windows where they ought to be!!!
Theatre Rhinocerous
2926 16th St. (@ South Van Ness)
It's about to be the hottest revival on Broadway, and for whatever reason it's playing here first! They're trying to reinterpret this thing in the context of a reality show. Then why not cast William Hung opposite Clarkson? That I would pay $90 to see.
Curran Theater
445 Geary St. (@ Taylor)
The Yerba Buena Center for
the Arts presents Cosmic
Wonder, a celebration of "key young artists who explore trance,
'alternative' realities and the psyche, who tap into altered states of
consciousness through exaggerated color, mind-altering patterns, morphing
forms, and visions of the infinite." So it's, like, a drug show!
Also currently on display in the Yerba Buena gallery is Sampling
Oakland, a representation of Oakland's finest curated by the good
folks from 21 Grand.
Yerba Buena Center for the Arts
701 Mission St. (@ Third)
People are really big into penguins these days, right? See real live African penguins gobble down their vittles while you pose inside questions to an on-duty marine biologist.
California Academy of Sciences
Steinhart Aquarium
875 Howard St. (@ 4th)
You can't possibly ever wrong by going to El Rio for a Friday happy hour! DJ's Carmen y Miranda bring you Mad World, the latest incarnation of the sweaty, sexy El Rio Friday night worldbeat party now raging into it's one hundred twelfth consecutive year. And just as when they started back in 1896...free oysters at 5:30.
El Rio
3158 Mission (@ Cesar Chavez)
Better than the old show 120 Minutes... about four times better! The degrading sting of being in your cubicle today can be eased considerably with a set of headphones and a connection to BagelRadio. Motherfucking DJ Ted will be broadcasting live all day, a labor he lovingly performs every Friday. Today's proceedings feature Andrew from Anchors for Architects, a live acoustic set by heroin-disco flyboys Lemon Sun and an endless parade of singles by indie bands whose names are just pants-peeingly funny.
BagelRadio.com
9am-5pm PDT
If you're anything like me, you will sometimes stay at work late on Friday afternoons just to hear DJ Paul V play this week's Smash Mix live via webcast on Indie 103.1. Of course, if you're anything like me you've been hammered on Ouzo since before lunch so working late is hardly a big deal. It's a top-notch 30-minute mash-up mix, and by Monday or Tuesday DJ Paul has the mp3, a complete set list, plus links to the original DJ's up on his web site.
Indie1031.com
5:30 pm PDT
It's the legendary Friday night party at the legendary party club. And this Fag Friday, The Godfather of House DJ Frankie Knuckles is here!
The EndUp
401 Sixth St. (@ Harrison)
I'm such an anarchist that I'll root for any group of defendants with a city name and a numerical value attached to them, but it really does appear the West Memphis Three are legitimately innocent. See actual death row artwork by the accused at the Space Gallery exhibit Skelton Key. Tonight's show features performances by Melinda Adams, Roadside Celebrity, Dave "the pastor" Dalton, Castles In Spain, and Sherilyn Connelly.
Space Gallery
1141 Polk St. (@ Sutter)
This oughta shut up those people who say they can't stand musicals! The classic story of a spunky cheerleader who fellates her way to the top is now a hit musical, with catchy numbers like "I Wanna Do Debbie" and "The Dildo Rag". They say the show is not recommended for anyone under the age of 18 -- but how else do they expect kids to learn? The New York Fringe Festival favorite cums to the Bay Area... and don't forget -- the San Francisco Fringe Festival kicks off Tuesday, Sept. 6!
Eureka Theater
215 Jackson St. (@ Front St.)
I don't yet know which films are screening at what time on any particular day, but that should not keep you from immediately establishing written-in-stone plans to see brand new 35mm prints of Pedro Aldomovar's greatest films in their exclusive local engagement on the Castro Theatre screen! Among the scheduled screenings are Women On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown, All About My Mother, Talk To Her, Flower Of My Secret, Law Of Desire, Live Flesh, Bad Education, Matador and more, all of which richly deserve to be seen and/or seen again. Watch the Castro Theatre web site for details, and while you're at it watch the trailer for this long-overdue retrospective.
The Castro Theatre
429 Castro St. (@ 18th)
If this is anything like director Takashi Miike's last film Ichi The Killer, then it promises to be another repulsively fabulous masterpiece of sickness and gore. The Red Vic Movie House hosts the SF theatrical premiere of The Great Yokai War, Miike's latest release in which he introduces demons, robots, and monsters to his unapologetically depraved repertoire.
Red Vic Movie House
1727 Haight St. (@ Cole)
It's Joan Crawford's worst movie, brought to life on the Rhino Theater stage! Strangely, this production is somehow more dignified than most shitty movies that get turned into plays. In a fierce Rhino Theater debut, Heklina absolutely chews up the scenery. Matthew Martin, in the Joan Crawford role, doesn't just chew up the scenery -- he tears down those bitches of bearing walls and puts windows where they ought to be!!!
Theatre Rhinocerous
2926 16th St. (@ South Van Ness)
If Don Asmussen doesn't win the Pulitzer Prize for his cartoon on the U.S. Constitution getting arrested, then I'm never buying dynamite again. A new Bad Reporter appears every Wednesday and Friday in the print version of the San Francisco Chronicle and on SFGate.com. Asmussen's 2005 Embedded at Burning Man cartoons still deserve recognition as the finest Burning Man satires ever.
SFGate.com
and Back Page of SF Chronicle Datebook Section
It's about to be the hottest revival on Broadway, and for whatever reason it's playing here first! They're trying to reinterpret this thing in the context of a reality show. Then why not cast William Hung opposite Clarkson? That I would pay $90 to see.
Curran Theater
445 Geary St. (@ Taylor)
The Yerba Buena Center for
the Arts presents Cosmic
Wonder, a celebration of "key young artists who explore trance,
'alternative' realities and the psyche, who tap into altered states of
consciousness through exaggerated color, mind-altering patterns, morphing
forms, and visions of the infinite." So it's, like, a drug show!
Also currently on display in the Yerba Buena gallery is Sampling
Oakland, a representation of Oakland's finest curated by the good
folks from 21 Grand.
Yerba Buena Center for the Arts
701 Mission St. (@ Third)
As Denis Leary would say, "Holy Christ!" People, I really don't know about this one. I am freaking terrified of snakes. I want these motherfuckin' snakes off this motherfuckin' What Where When list!!!
California Academy of Sciences
Steinhart Aquarium
875 Howard St. (@ 4th)
People are really big into penguins these days, right? See real live African penguins gobble down their vittles while you pose inside questions to an on-duty marine biologist.
California Academy of Sciences
Steinhart Aquarium
875 Howard St. (@ 4th)
An alert reader points out to me that I am incorrect when I mention above that "no major transit services will be interrupting their schedules" during Burning Man. At precisely midnight Friday night/Saturday morning the Bay Bridge eastbound towards Oakland will close for seismic retrofits, reopening at 5 a.m. Tuesday morning. Plan your driving routes to Oakland warehouse parties accordingly.
The Bay Bridge
Eastbound from San Francisco to Oakland
Longtime readers of this stupid list will appreciate that 2006 is the 10 Year Anniversary Clear Lake Motorcycle Rally! Meet up at 10am for a daytime rally around around California's largest natural lake. Then it's BBQ, contests, and prizes at 2pm. You will want to practice up for those "contests" with the dangling bananas and hot dogs! Then at 6pm get ready for the always-fly sounds of The Steve Miller Band.
Clear Lake and Kinocti Harbor
Kelseyville, CA
Chill out on parade grounds in The Presidio watching Shakespeare for free. The San Francisco Shakespeare Festival returns for 2006 with The Tempest. People who can stand this stuff say it's one of the best Shakespeare productions they've seen in years.
Presidio Parade Ground, Main Post
The Presidio, SF
Lincoln @ Presidio Blvd.
Skillet Lickers??? I've always been dying to know what they mean by that. I mean, I have my ideas... UPDATE: It refers to a sizable and fully-stocked swing band. Find out why "Everybody's Talkin' Bout Miss Thing" at the snazzy Cafe Du Nord
Cafe Du Nord
2170
Market St. (@ 15th St.)
The MANsion opens it's doors for Round Two! Ryan Robles, the undisputed Hugh Hefner of the SF club scene, teams up with the legendary Juanita MORE! to bring this decadent disco party to The Stud every first and third Saturday. Saratonin and Ryan Poulsen get sexy on the turntables, with hot Playboy Wolves shaking ass on platforms and in cages. And oh, is this Juanita MORE!'s birthday weekend? You know she will be just absolutely radiant.
The Stud Bar
399 9th St. (@ Harrison)
Art Festival, Hmmm? The city of Oakland hosts 50 performers on five stages, plus art sales and international foods. Have some Black Muslim Bakery fried onion fritters. Saturday features free performances by Jesus Diaz Y Su QBA.
Downtown Oakland
14th @ Broadway
through Mon Sept. 6
Holy fuck, Honey Dijon is here this weekend?!? Yep, and she's spinning a tangy-sweet five-hour set at The EndUp. Also on the bill for this inexplicably trucker-themed EndUp dance party are Karizma, Nikola Baytala, and Jerard.
All
Night and Day
The EndUp
401 Sixth St. (@ Harrison)
The Experimental Performance Institute brings another appalling installment of Crash Cabaret: Where Queers Collide (Heterosexuals encouraged to apply!). This month's raunch boasts performances by Stink of Stink 69, the Dada-porn stylings of Boyfriend Robotique, and Uni & Her Ukelele doing a once-in-a-lifetime, star-studded version of her new runaway smash hit interpretation of "Mahalo Maui Rose". Triple-X Queer Insanity at it's finest!
The Roxie Cinema
3117 16th St. (@ Valencia)
Yo... white people! Oakland's original wack mc's The Digital Underground bring the funk to the Red Devil Lounge. Show up looking like MC Hammer on crack, and then get busy in a Burger King men's room. If you still maintain that Tupac is alive, this is probably going to be your best chance to catch a glimpse of him.
The Red Devil Lounge
1695 Polk St. (@ Clay)
I'm such an anarchist that I'll root for any group of defendants with a city name and a numerical value attached to them, but it really does appear the West Memphis Three are legitimately innocent. See actual death row artwork by the accused at the Space Gallery exhibit Skelton Key. Tonight's show features performances by The Girlfriend Experience, Dodo Bird, and Sherilyn Connelly.
Space Gallery
1141 Polk St. (@ Sutter)
It's about to be the hottest revival on Broadway, and for whatever reason it's playing here first! They're trying to reinterpret this thing in the context of a reality show. Then why not cast William Hung opposite Clarkson? That I would pay $90 to see.
Curran Theater
445 Geary St. (@ Taylor)
The Yerba Buena Center for
the Arts presents Cosmic
Wonder, a celebration of "key young artists who explore trance,
'alternative' realities and the psyche, who tap into altered states of
consciousness through exaggerated color, mind-altering patterns, morphing
forms, and visions of the infinite." So it's, like, a drug show!
Also currently on display in the Yerba Buena gallery is Sampling
Oakland, a representation of Oakland's finest curated by the good
folks from 21 Grand.
Yerba Buena Center for the Arts
701 Mission St. (@ Third)
This oughta shut up those people who say they can't stand musicals! The classic story of a spunky cheerleader who fellates her way to the top is now a hit musical, with catchy numbers like "I Wanna Do Debbie" and "The Dildo Rag". They say the show is not recommended for anyone under the age of 18 -- but how else do they expect kids to learn? The New York Fringe Festival favorite cums to the Bay Area... and don't forget -- the San Francisco Fringe Festival kicks off Tuesday, Sept. 6!
Eureka Theater
215 Jackson St. (@ Front St.)
It's Joan Crawford's worst movie, brought to life on the Rhino Theater stage! Strangely, this production is somehow more dignified than most shitty movies that get turned into plays. In a fierce Rhino Theater debut, Heklina absolutely chews up the scenery. Matthew Martin, in the Joan Crawford role, doesn't just chew up the scenery -- he tears down those bitches of bearing walls and puts windows where they ought to be!!!
Theatre Rhinocerous
2926 16th St. (@ South Van Ness)
I don't yet know which films are screening at what time on any particular day, but that should not keep you from immediately establishing written-in-stone plans to see brand new 35mm prints of Pedro Aldomovar's greatest films in their exclusive local engagement on the Castro Theatre screen! Among the scheduled screenings are Women On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown, All About My Mother, Talk To Her, Flower Of My Secret, Law Of Desire, Live Flesh, Bad Education, Matador and more, all of which richly deserve to be seen and/or seen again. Watch the Castro Theatre web site for details, and while you're at it watch the trailer for this long-overdue retrospective.
The Castro Theatre
429 Castro St. (@ 18th)
If this is anything like director Takashi Miike's last film Ichi The Killer, then it promises to be another repulsively fabulous masterpiece of sickness and gore. The Red Vic Movie House hosts the SF theatrical premiere of The Great Yokai War, Miike's latest release in which he introduces demons, robots, and monsters to his unapologetically depraved repertoire.
Red Vic Movie House
1727 Haight St. (@ Cole)
People are really big into penguins these days, right? See real live African penguins gobble down their vittles while you pose inside questions to an on-duty marine biologist.
California Academy of Sciences
Steinhart Aquarium
875 Howard St. (@ 4th)
An alert reader points out to me that I am incorrect when I mention above that "no major transit services will be interrupting their schedules" during Burning Man. At precisely midnight Friday night/Saturday morning the Bay Bridge eastbound towards Oakland will close for seismic retrofits, reopening at 5 a.m. Tuesday morning. Plan your driving routes to Oakland warehouse parties accordingly.
The Bay Bridge
Eastbound from San Francisco to Oakland
Hey -- who's gonna be in Wilmington, NY this weekend? If you are, then you got no excuse to not be at Steinhoff's Sportsmans Inn seeing MC Pretty Mouth of BluegrassRave fame with his new project, the Stoneman Blues Band. I hope people out there in Wilmington are referring to this venue as The Hoff!
Steinhoff's Sportsmans Inn
Wilmington, NY
Find out firsthand that it totally sucked this year! Or else share a
little communion with your distant partying kindred in Black Rock. This
year BurningMan.com
will be hosting the webcast of the burn.
Twelve O'Clock and The Man
Black Rock City
You don't work tomorrow! You have to go to The EndUp! Scheduled to spin the daylight in are DJ's Adrian, Jim Hopkins, and Nikola Baytala. In the evening, we get David Harness and Frankie Knuckles.
All Night and Day
The EndUp
401 Sixth St. (@ Harrison)
Actual sunset may look slightly different from the Cafe Cocomo patio. But if you've got a Black Rock jones on, fire-spinning, stilt-walking, and hoochies in fake fur can pretty much be guaranteed at Stompy. Scheduled to spin the daylight away are Solar, J-Bird, and Galen.
Cafe Cocomo
650 Indiana St. (@ Mariposa)
They've moved it to Labor Day Weekend, to accomodate our hedonistic, not-at-Burning-Man lifestyles! It's the world's one and only bear celebration, with vendors, food, music and shirtless, hairy men as far as the eye can see. When our fair City will be taken over by thousands of superhunky Ed Asner-types in very little clothing, then this is the place you want to be.
HAIRrison Street Fair
Harrison St. (@ 9th St.)
If anybody asks why you're not at Burning Man, you tell them this is why you're not at Burning Man! Bravo presents a marathon of the pointless, everyday exploits of Bobby Brown and his always-hilarious scene-stealing wife Whitney. Being Bobby Brown is a heartwarming trash tv culture version of Our Town, and proves that spouse abusers and drug addicts can be delightful and loving parents. Though maybe not good parents.
Bravo Network
Episodes begin at 9am
The El Rio back patio hosts an afternoon of hot, heavy grinding with salsa dance classes and free BBQ. And before you can finish licking your fingers, it's ORQUESTA SOROA at 3pm.
El Rio
3158 Mission (@ Valencia)
All hell breaks loose, as the raging weekly 80's dance club gets an extreme makeover over from Heklina and an all-star pack of feral drag queens. Scheduled to appear unleashed onstage are Putanesca, Anna Conda, Metal Patricia, Valentine, Diva Dan, and Coco Canal. Featuring DJ's Damon, DOMG, Omar, and Adrian and The Mysterious D.
Cat
Club
1190 Folsom St. (@ 8th St.)
Art Festival, Hmmm? The city of Oakland hosts 50 performers on five stages, plus art sales and international foods. Have some Black Muslim Bakery fried onion fritters. Sunday features free performances by Goapele and Rickie Lee Jones.
Downtown Oakland
14th @ Broadway
through Mon Sept. 6
Chill out on parade grounds in The Presidio watching Shakespeare for free. The San Francisco Shakespeare Festival returns for 2006 with The Tempest. People who can stand this stuff say it's one of the best Shakespeare productions they've seen in years.
Presidio Parade Ground, Main Post
The Presidio, SF
Lincoln @ Presidio Blvd.
Still upset that you're not going to Burning Man? Okay, try this exercise. Close your eyes, and think of your best memory ever from Burning Man. Now summarize that experience in one sentence. Now think of another sentence, using the words "free", "lesbian", and "T Dance". Which of these sentences represents a more fabulous experience? Now aren't you glad you stayed in town this weekend?
The Cafe
2369 Market St. (@ Castro)
Once you see the fabulous Paper Dolls play live, you will be determined to take these ukelele-strumming lovelies to Utah and marry all three of them. These girls say "Mahalo!" They'll kick off with a 7:30 Happy Hour set on the Club Amnesia stage, then Scott Larson's Red Light Abatements pile on with their swinging trad jazz. Free swing lessons at 10pm. S(ch)WINGGGG!
Amnesia
853 Valencia St. (@ 19th St.)
America's #1 Gay Latin Dance Party! There are dance parties where you dance in a little white t-shirt, and then there are dance parties where you skip the shirt and just go right down to your little white briefs. That's Club Papi, and it's what I'm talkin' about. DJ Jose Spinnin is in from Guadalajara to get this party started quickly. Free pizza from 10-Midnight! Uh, yeah... that'll go fast.
550 Barneveld
550 Barneveld St. (@ Industrial St.)
This oughta shut up those people who say they can't stand musicals! The classic story of a spunky cheerleader who fellates her way to the top is now a hit musical, with catchy numbers like "I Wanna Do Debbie" and "The Dildo Rag". They say the show is not recommended for anyone under the age of 18 -- but how else do they expect kids to learn? The New York Fringe Festival favorite cums to the Bay Area... and don't forget -- the San Francisco Fringe Festival kicks off Tuesday, Sept. 6!
Eureka Theater
215 Jackson St. (@ Front St.)
Dub Mission is reuniting all of it's resident dj's to honor ten relatively arrest-free years of bringing the bombest dub reggae to the SF club scene. DJ Sep is joined at The Elbo by Vinnie Esparza and a the entire dream team of international dub reggae dignitaries which have kept this thing going for ten years.
Elbo
Room
647 Valencia St. (@ 18th)